NO WAY!
by Strider-Stalker
Summary: HOORAH Chapter 5 is up! I fixed the story so it makes sense now! YAY! Oh yeah!rnSummary: Three honarary guests from Middle-eath wind up in my house and all Mordor breaks loose! Help me! Sorry it took so dang long, but FF hasn't let me update! kicks FF and
1. Default Chapter

NO WAY!

Disclaimer: I do not own LotR. If I did, I would be a trillionare and Viggo Mortensen would be MINE. Well, maybe not, considering that he's old enough to be my father. Yipes. Scary thought.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

A/n: The dumb story didn't have any paragraphs, so I had to re-post it. Now you can actually READ it. Thank you for your time and money. Wait! There's MONEY involved?! Why didn't anyone tell me?! Oh. I just got a message. Stupid Elladan and Elrohir... Do they take ANYTHING seriously? I am never letting them write while I dictate again! Geeze. OK! On with the fic!

Chapter 1: Of Bets and Sleep Deprivation 

"YAWNNNNN!!!" Ugh. I couldn't believe how incredibly exhausted I was. I checked my clock.

"Sweet Eru! It's a new record! 4:30 am!" The realization that I had to stay up only half an hour more lightened my weariness. I needed something to keep me up. I trudged down our off-white carpeted stairs and crossed the living room into the kitchen.

"Let's see...Fruit Loops, Red vines, eew! I thought we threw that out a month ago! Anything else? Hey, what's this? ((O.O)) OH. MY. HOLY. VALAR." I grabbed my precious cargo and began to roll on the floor, hugging it. "PIXIE STIX PIXIE STIX PIXIE STIX!!!!! Happiness is here!" I cried. It took me only a few minutes to polish off the little tubes of flavored sugar. Much better. That should keep me up for a while. Maybe I went a little overboard with the sweet, because before I knew it, I was bouncing off the walls, literally.

But as we say, what goes up must come down, and I was even sleepier than before.

"Sigh. Can't trust sugar to keep you up for more than 20 minutes. My mom would kill me if I tried to make coffee." I laughed at the memory of the first time I tried to do it.

"Ugh! Must. Keep. Awake. Maybe I shouldn't have taken that bet." I yawned. I needed to take my mind off of sleep. Why did I have to do it? Why did I have to say 'yes'? My tired mind recalled the important part of the conversation with my friend Alex:

"Yeah, right Jenai! I really doubt that you can run a 12-hour marathon without sleep!" scoffed Alex.

"Fine! I bet you, um, 10 Brandybucks that I can!" I challenged back.

"Deal! Starting 5 sharp this evening to 5 tomorrow morning you can't sleep AT ALL. Got it?"

"Duh. Alrigty then. I'll call you at 5 on the hobbit tomorrow morning. Be there or I'll sick Muffin on you!" (Inside joke!)

"HAHAHAHA! You'll probably look worse than Sauron on a bad hair day by tomorrow!"

"NOOOOOOooo!!! Not my purple wig! I swear Mr. Neegish! I didn't take Bacon Sandwich! It was Minion I tell you!"

(That's from a really funny fic I read: Sauron's Journal. Read it!)

"Hahahahahahaha! I'll talk to you in the morning! Bye!"

"Bye!" I hung up the phone.

That's how it started. So now I was suffering of sleep deprivation because of ten dollars. I was determined to prove her wrong! I was going to get my well-earned 10 bucks! But what could I do for 10 minutes? I could work on the belt I was weaving. I was already halfway done. I worked a couple minutes on it before I checked my clock. It read '4:52'. Good. I wanted to take a shower after I called her. I was afraid to take one before because I would probably fall asleep with the warm water streaming across my body, and lose the bet. So got out my clothes for the day.

"Shorts, check, shirt, check, necessities, double check, I think I'm set! Oh, wait I need two towels! He he. Two towels..." I muttered to no one in particular.

"Yes! Only one more minute!" I got her phone number ready and started to count down the seconds.

"...49, 48, 47, 46..." I was almost there! "34, 33, 32, 31, 30..." I picked up the receiver and dialed her number with shaky hands (I know it sounds dumb to get that exited over 10 dollars, but dang I was tired, and I wanted to take my shower and SLEEP! The money was the second thing on my mind.)

"HERE WE GO!!! 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!!!!!!" I hit the 'dial' button. It rang 5 times.

"YAWN! Uh, hello?"

"Alex?"

"Oh! Jenai! Crap, you did it! I'll give you your 10 bucks in a week. I'll have it then."

"Can I trust an Elf?"

"Hahaha! You can, but I don't know about Gimli!"

"Haha...Sweet Eru, I'm tired!"

"Well, Great Wizards, so am I! I'll let you go.

"Thanks! I'll talk to you later!"

"Okay! Bye!"

Then there was one of those awkward silences.

"Bollix."

"Hahahahahaha! Good bye Jenai!" And then she hung up.

"Right then. Now for a nice shower and to go have a well deserved rest." But it was not to be.

a/n: YAY! First chapter done! Hey! I wanna know what you thought, sooooooo.....................................

REVIEW!

P.S. More reviews, longer and more interesting chappies! HUZZAH!

- Strider- Stalker


	2. Of Bets and Sleep Deprivation

Chapter 2: WHY ME?!

YAY! REVIEWS! I love reviews!

A/n: Thank you guys so much! Five reviews! Awesome! I feel so special!

**(sniff)**

lotrluv: Thank you! (**bows) **I liked your Merry& Pippin thingy you put up! Funny!

DreaminofLorien: (bows) Hannon Le! Reviews are my specialty! Your welcome!

JesuslUver: Thank you! I'm glad I made you laugh! Your wish is granted..(poof)

Jeregrin Took: Thank you! And yes I love him THAT much, if not more...

Caido Angeles The Dream Angel: Cool penname! I think I'm glad that you think that you understood it...Here is some sugar (hands CATDA a bag of sugar.) Use it wisely young Grasshopper.

A/N: I want at least ten more reviews for the next chapter, or there won't be one!

"_Right then. Now for a nice shower and a well deserved rest." But it was not to be._

I had already got my clothes ready and my towels, so all that was left was the shower. I turned my Coldplay CD on and my favorite song started.

" God this water feels good. Oh! Hey! Its Clocks!" I then began to sing:

' Lights go out, I can't be saved,

From tides that I try to swim against.

They've brought me down upon my knees,

Oh, I beg, I beg and plead, singin:

Come out with things unsaid,

Shoot an apple of my head.

An a, trouble that can't be named,

Tigers waitin to be tamed, singin:

You ooo ooo oo are

You ooo oo oo are...

(Musical break)

Con-fus-ion never stops,

The closin' walls and tickin clocks.

Gonna, come back and bring ya home,

I could not stop the metronome..." I didn't get to finish, because just then the power went out.

" What the heck? Dude, this bites. Grr." I mumbled. I didn't have long to complain because the power came back on just as soon as it had gone off. And so did the water.

" HOLY CRAP! THE WATER'S FREEZING!" I cursed. Some Elvish cuss words would have been appreciated right then. I decided that my shower was finished. I grabbed my towel that was hanging over the lavender shower rod with a matching curtain and wrapped myself in my towel.

"Hmm. it just me, or did the room get darker? Probably just the light bulbs getting used to the..." I stopped in my words and my tracks. For there, standing wide-eyed and bewildered was a guy. He- blushed and covered his eyes. I- fainted, right there on the spot in a towel, in front of him.

__

A/N: Ok, I know it was a short chapter, but more reviews= longer chappies. Soooo.....review, review, review! Oook! Quiz time!

Hannon le means...

When you review, type what you think the answer is and I will tell you in the next chapter! (hint, it's Elvish)


	3. Just Great

A/n: Hey guys! I'm really sorry it's been so long since I updated, but I've been really busy with stuff, so please don't damage me! My stupid computer wouldn't save my stuff, so, yeah. Now I shall thank all my lurvely reviewers for what they do best: REVIEW! Oh, and as for the last quiz, those who answered correctly will get a...CYBER-TURKEY!!!

JesuslUver: You have no idea...and neither do I! I will remember, do not fret! Ah! Here is your...CYBER-TURKEY!!! Enjoy!

Jeregrin Took: Greetings mellon! Secret door opens Gandalf: Curses! I am 2,018 years old, and I can't even beat a girl at least five times younger than me! Me: Oh, keep your hat on! Anyways, when are you going to continue your fanfic? Tell me! Oh, and here is the continuation of my story that you wanted so badly! Enjoy!

Caido Angeles The Dream Angel: Yes, yes, just point and laugh! Who gives an orc?! Alas, no, I do not have a Frodo or Haldir plushy, but I do have a surplus of large Thanksgiving...CYBER-TURKEYS!! So please help me get rid of them! AAAAHHH!

They're drowning me!!! Help!! Plea is muffled by...CYBER-TURKEYS OF DOOOOM!

Southerngirl14615: emerges out of...CYBER-TUKEYS OF DOOOOM!! Me: Hack! Does Heimlich maneuver and spits out a wing Eew! Gross! I detest wings! Unless they're buffalo wings! MMMM!! Oh, sorry! Stupid computers...they have no feelings!

Mine did that too! Grr...Anyways, you can have a leg for at least trying.

Bobtheheadlesschicken: O.O Yes a guy, and you shall see who it is! I knew I had a stalker other than Austin! Lol! Thank you!

Piscesangel: No, it was not good! It was embarrassing to hell! Yes, I agree! Flashing Legolas would be extremely fun! Don't worry, I won't rape Aragorn...yet! JK! Or am I?! Alas!

A/n: The answer to the quiz: Hannon le means Thank you in Elvish! Congratulations to Caido Angeles The Dream Angel for answering the quiz right! Confetti showers down everywhere Oh, crap, now I need to get a maid...Aha! Hailey! Could you clean this up please? (A/n: Hailey is my little sister, BTW) Hailey: Aw, man! Why me?

Me: narrows eyes Because I said so! Hailey: Yipes! Okay! Okay! Geeze!

Starts to sweep up confetti me: All right then! On with the fic!

(BTW: = _think_, ( ) = Author's Note, ""= talking. [ ] action, since my Word thingy won't let me do these babies:

NO WAY!

Chapter 3: Oh. My. Holy. Valar.

"Oooh. My head...Hey! I'm in my bed! It was just a dream..." I sighed with relief. I shifted in my covers. Something rough scraped my body. "Huh? What's this?" My eyes widened. "It, it, it's my towel! So if that wasn't a dream, then..." I looked around my dark room, or at least so I thought. A small glow shone in the corner of my room and reflected off a pair of dark eyes. I pulled my covers up to my chin. The memory rushed back to me like the flooding of Isengard, sudden and unexpected. Legolas proceeded to come into the light and bowed gallantly handing me a discreet lady trimmer...

"May I make a suggestion--?" Lego began, but I cut him off ripping the shaver from the surprised elf.

"Thanks! I get the picture!" I huffed embarrassedly. "Damned hairless pointy eared moron!" I muttered under my breath shoving the bikini trimmer far, far under my pillow.

"What was that?" Lego cocked his head to the right with a confused look on his face.

"Forget it...really...please.." I growled. "Hey, braided wonder... can I have a little privacy here?" I gestured toward the door. Legolas said,

"Oh! I am terribly sorry!" He walked over to the door and closed it. Then he came back to a chair and sat in it gesturing for me to change.

"OUT! YOU! OUT! What is this, a strip club?!!!!" I shrieked. Legolas scrambled out his chair threw open the door and I slammed it behind the startled Middle-Earthian. There was another knock on the door, but before I could say anything, my towel flew through the slight opening and hit me in the face. A voice came through the crack, which rather quickly said,

"I thought that you might need this" and then its owner shut the door. It took me a while to figure out all that had happened._ I hate elves!_ I thought to myself. I had always liked Orlando Bloom, but today his character pushed the envelope over and off the cliff.

I proceeded to change mumbling all the while to myself. 'Thank the Valar it wasn't Aragorn. That would have scared him away forever! Stupid Elf, he's as blond as his hair...sigh. Just when I thought that my life couldn't get any weirder, it does. Why me?' I thought. After I finished changing, I went to go find the Blond One.

"Legolas! Legolas?" I harshly whispered.

"Yes?"

"Ack! Damn it, Elf! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I apologize milady. I did not mean to frighten you."

"S'all right. Just – please- don't do it again."

"Yes, milady."

"Um, hey Legolina, could you just call me Jenai? It's less confusing."

" Yes mil-"He stopped and corrected himself to avoid the glare that could kill a Nazgul, mine. "Yes, Jenai."

"Hannon le, Legolas. Uh, sit. I guess." He obliged and I sighed. I began to pace, rubbing my temples. His clear blue eyes followed my movements, the poor Elf seemed as confused as I was, and the awkward silence was getting to him. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. At last after what seemed an eternity, I spoke.

"Ok. Let me get this strait. You are Legolas Greenleaf, son of Thiranduil, Prince of Mirkwood. This is my room. Today is August 19, 2004. I am not seeing things...right? Hey, this could be a really weird dream! Hmmm...that means I could do anything I want and it wouldn't even matter! Yes, yes..." I looked up at that dead sexy Elf in the kiddie chair, and in spite of my thoughts, I laughed. He looked at me as if I were a lunatic, which actually isn't that far off from the truth. That made me laugh even harder. I was gasping for air and tears were streaming down my face.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! O, crap! Haha!!! I can't BREATHE!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" I swear that I was turning red, blue, purple, and every other color of the rainbow and beyond. Leggy literally sprung into action. He sat me up and fanned me with a nearby magazine. I was still laughing like the maniac I am, but that soon eased into a comfortable giggle.

"Whoo! What a trip! Oy! My sides! You know what Leggy, I bet that won't be the last time that you'll save my life like that!" I joked. Legolas grinned.

"There are no doubts in my mind this will happen again either. Best watch out for those, fits, of yours, eh?" Leggy said with a slight smile. Then it was my turn to grin. I had just noticed that I was sitting on his lap, leaning against his chest, his hand on mine. I smiled to myself. Unfortunately, the Braided Wonder noticed me smirking and looked at me quizzically.

"Why are you smirking?" he asked. I tried to think of a way to say it so that he would understand. I had it.

"You know, Leggy, I kinda like the way we're sitting, if you get my drift..." I waggled my eyebrows at him. He looked at me weird again, but, sadly for him, got meaning. He blushed bright red and tried to stand up, but he only succeeded in toppling both of us over and landing on top of me. I made a sly smile and raised one of my eyebrows.

"I didn't know you felt this way about me, Leggy." I jested. He scrambled off of me and stood up and cleared his throat. I was a little bit humiliated as well. The awkward silence made us both more than a little anxious. He cleared his throat again, but seemed unable to speak. I did it for him.

"Sooo...do you like poems?" I asked. This question seemed to grab his attention.

"Yes, I do." He answered back. I sighed with relief. I actually had someone that loved the arts almost as much as I did.

"Goodie mushrooms! Then I can read you a poem that I wrote, I think it's really good! I hope you do too. It's called 'The Cold Sun'..." He listened attentively to my poem, and closed his eyes, obviously enjoying it very much. That made me feel really, really good.

A/n: Phew! Long chapter! Yes, I actually wrote that poem, but I'm too tired to write it all down now. I'll do it next chapter. Yay! It's time for another 'Dadja Know?' Quiz Time!!!!!

Quiz Time!! Which Fellowship actor was knocked unconscious on the Rivendell set when a wooden loom fell on him? (Hint: Taters)

Didja Know??? The dialect coaches based part of the accent and cadence of Elvish on Celtic? [StriderStalker and Pippin River dance off stage in kilts]

Well, that's all I got for now, so till next time, Namarie!

(P.S. Hey Jip! When are ya going to update? I am itching for my spotlight! [poses] Better be soon, or I will send Minion the Minion after you! But the trick is to get him awa from Sauron...hmmm...Tricksy Minionses...

Giant...CYBER-TURKEY OF DOOOOOM!!!: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! [ahem] I mean, REVIEW!!!


	4. Macaroni and Cheese

A/n: Weeeeha! Try saying that and see how many scared looks you get! I got 14! Hahaha! Beat that! YAY! I got reveiwas! Hey, King of da...CYBER-TUR—

King Turkey: ARGH! Shut up!

Me: No! Um, why are you looking at me like that? King Turkey is looking at SS with a demented grin on his face and is holding a scarf and some rope

Me: I detest! Back! Uh, sit! Stay! Heel! AH! Let me-GRFLE! Has a gag in her mouth and is tied up to a chair

King Turkey: clears his throat and wipes off wings Since StriderStalker is unavailable at the moment, I will read the review list: ahem

Jamie Leigh: She says that you had a perfectly good reason to be confused, and she fixed the chapter problem. Meanwhile, SS has spotted a pair of scissors lying on a nearby table The chapter's names are what she thought when she was in the predicament. She is very sorry and was happy that you put that in.

Jeregrin Took: She would say hello, but she is...handicapped at the moment, however she is very excited and can't wait until you update again! SS is sawing through the rope tying her hands and has only one more strand to go Thank you!

Deagol Smeagol: SS has finally cut through the cords binding through her hands and is working on her legs Thank you very much and you are this chapter's winner! Lights flash everywhere and confetti showers down from unknown origin. KT looks exasperated KT: sigh Alright! Enough with the confetti already! Confetti stops Here is your... CYBER-TURKEY OF DOOO-Crap! Now she's got me doing it! SS has got all cords off and has a murderous look in her eyes

Me: Doing what?

KT: OO! Um, he he...?

Me: Narrows eyes Start running...for your life.

KT: RUNS AWAY!!!AHHHHH!!! RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!

Me: He he. I think I'll continue from here. ahem

Strider's Girl: Oh! Dude! I am soooo sorry! The review didn't go to my e-mail mailbox, so I didn't see it. Please forgive me! I'll give you a free...CYBER-TURKEY OF DOOOOM!!! Are you happy? Hope so! Thanks for the review!

A/n: YAY! Congrats to Deagol Smeagol for answering the Quiz right: Sean Astin got knocked unconscious by a wooden loom on the Rivendell set! Ouch! Hailey! HAILEY!!!

Hailey: What now?

Me: Clean this up now! Please.

Hailey: Fine. Whatever. Sweeps up confetti

Me: Alrighty! On with the fic!

(A/n: action _thinking _"talking" )

* * *

'_He listened attentively to my poem, and closed his eyes, obviously enjoying it very much. That made me feel really, really good.'_

* * *

(A/n: Ok guys! This is my poem, just like I promised! I don't care if you think it's weird, but I would like to hear what you think of it!)

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Macaroni and Cheese**

* * *

****

I took a deep breath and began my poem.

"The Cold Sun is rising over my mountain,

It chills the bone the bird in the air, the water in the fountain.

Gone are my days when Love was bliss,

Those are the days that I will miss.

Some call it Fate, others Hate, but I say it's a Disgrace

That something so pure should go to waste.

So hear me friends, listen close, hold dear all that you Love the most.

And then, only then, your Story will not End stricken with Strife,

Just remember that where there is Death there is also Life.

Then you can say:

'The Warm Sun is rising over my mountain,

It thaws the bone, the bird in the air the water in the fountain.

Come are my days when Love was bliss,

Those are the days that I had missed.'

Though days may come and break and bend,

There are no 'Happily Ever Afters', for there truly is no End.

So through Time and Space, and Space and Time

Our memories will live on and on,

And so Begins the End of my rhyme."

Leggy opened his eyes and smiled. _God he has a beautiful smile_.

"That was quite good for a child." He said.

"I am NOT a child! I'm a teenager for God's sake!" I yelled, peeved.

"I am very sorry! I did not know. But compared to me, you are." Leggy defended. I had to agree with that.

"Well, just remember that next time." I scratched my head.

"Growlll"

"What in the world?" I looked around. Strange..."Hey, Elfmuffin, did you hear that? Legolas?" But he was just as confused as me.

"GRROWLL" There it was again!

"GrrOwlL" I felt it that time...I slapped my head.

"Duh! It's my stomach! How stupid am I?! Leggy, are you hungry?" He looked at me strangely.

"Oh. Right. Elves don't get hungry. I forgot..." I thought aloud.

"You do that a lot, don't you?" He said sarcastically.

"Oh, do shut up!" I snapped. "Now do you want something to eat, or not?" He shrugged and followed me to the kitchen.

"Mrow"

"Hi Ronnie!" I picked up my big orange Tabby cat and coddled him. (A/n: I love that cat so much!)

"Leggy, Ronnie. Ronnie, Leggy. Go on, you can pet him." I assured the Elf. He hesitated, but eventually stuck his hand out and patted his head. Ronnie started to purr loudly, a sound Legolas obviously never had heard before. He jumped back and looked at me. Ron looked offended that the petting had stopped.

"That means that he likes you, Legolas. Don't worry." I assured him. He appeared somewhat relieved, so I deposited the cat with Leggy. He he he. The look on his face was priceless. I chuckled to myself as I rummaged through the refrigerator.

"How does macaroni and cheese sound, Leggy?" I asked as I poked my head around the door. The sight that met my eyes was hilarious. Legolas was sitting awkwardly on the ground with Ronnie kneading his paws on Elf's leg. Legolas saw me and tried his best not to look distressed. I swear. The pride of some people, er, Elves.

"Do you want some help? Never mind, don't answer that." I lifted Ronnie off of him and set the cat down on the couch, where he proceeded to curl up and fall asleep. "I do believe you have something to say to me, Legolas." I hinted.

"Thank you. Jenai." He mumbled.

"What was that? I didn't hear you." I mocked, a smile creeping up my mouth.

"I said 'thank you.'" He stated a bit louder.

"Ah! You are most welcome, my dear Legolas." I went back to going through the fridge and took out some leftover mac n' cheese. I shut the door and put the food in the microwave without a thought. I set the timer on it and pressed 'START'. I turned to the Elf and almost yelled out. He had strung his bow and was pointing it at the microwave.

"Legolas! No! The microwave is GOOD! My mom'll kill me if you wreck it!" I shouted, standing between him and the expensive appliance, dangerously close to the tip of the arrow. He arched an eyebrow, but obliged. I sighed with relief. _That was too close. I obviously need to teach him a few things about modern-day technology. Greeeaat. Just peachy. _

"BEEEEEP!!"

"Goddammit Legolas!!"

This was going to be a long day....

* * *

A/n: Wow! Long chappie! This week starts 8th grade for me, so I might not be able to upgrade as often. Well, I don't really update often anyways, so, you get it. Quiz Time and Didja Know!! Whee!

Quiz Time!

Which actor originally auditioned for the roll of Faramir? (You don't need a hint.)

Didja Know?

Cate Blanchett missed the FOTR world premire because of the birth of a baby. Not hers. Maybe Rosie's. You just never know.....


	5. Three's Company

A/n: Vedui mellon-rim! (Greetings friends!) Wow! It's been a REALLY long time since I've updated! I am soooo sorry! FF was being an arse, and it wouldn't let me update! (-.-0) so it's a huge pain in da butt. -sigh- Any who, King Turkey, please read the reviews.  
KT: Why can't you make someone else do it?  
Me: Because you're the only Turkey that can read. And with Easter on the way, I would suggest you get reading…  
KT: **O.O** 0 Fine. Messenger Turkey hands KT reviews and salutes to KT and bows to SS Thank you. MT waddles/runs off Ahem…

Merrymagic26: Why thank you! I worked really hard on that poem, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! Don't worry; the questions WILL get harder, so watch out! I was only fooling around with Legolas, not being a Mary-Sue, BTW! -grumbles are heard coming in the direction of SS-

Jeregrin Took: The dumb FF messed up my chapters, so I had to fix it. Sorry! Thanks 4 the review! I still can't believe you're going to do that to him! Poor Arry! SEE! I updated! Happy now? Good!

Hanna M: Hey! Are you still continuing your story, from the bedroom floor? Thank you so much for reviewing! And you're welcome for the review!

Strider's Girl: Actually, it was the of Doom! Yeah, it was embarrassing, but still funny... lol! Thanks for the review!

Spirit Mornea: Thank you! And yes... I wondered too... lol

Faeruvan: Your wish is granted, but I was going to add him anyways... lol

Bear over there: YES! I can't believe you are reviewing me! . I hath updadedeth for you so thou shalt not wreck thy world. Thy wish is grantedeth.

Lily the Bucklander: Thanks for the review and you're welcome for one! I'll read them, so don't worry! And I do love long reviews so thanks again!

And the winner is… -opens an envelope like the ones at the Oscars- Strider's Girl for answering Chapters 3 and 4 correctly! For doing so, I herby reward Strider's Girl a… -looks up with a pleading look on his face**- **Do I HAVE to say this?

SS: Yes.  
KT: Fine. A…CYBER-TURKEY OF DOOOOOM! For answering the quiz correctly… -sigh- Whoopee.  
-confetti showers down-

KT: Can I go NOW!  
SS: Whatever.  
KT: throws reviews behind him AT LAST! I'M FREEEEE! -skips off-  
SS: **O.o** That, my friends, is the first time I've ever seen a turkey skip…interesting…alrighty then…uh, on with the fic…I guess… -Janitor Turkey sweeps up reviews and confetti-

(A/n: Remember: -action- _thinking _"talking" )

"_BEEEEEP!"_

"_Goddammit Legolas!" _

_This was going to be a long day….  
_

Chapter 5:

Three's Company

I ducked. The arrow had thankfully bounced off the glossy surface of the microwave, but it was now ricocheting off every façade it could find in the kitchen…. where I was…  
"OH CRAP!" I yelped as I saw the flying arrow heading towards the invisible bulls-eye on my forehead!  
When I opened my eyes, I was holding a scarred Teflon frying pan livid with panic.  
"I'm dead, I'mdeadI'mdeadI'mdead…" I thought aloud. Just then, a white, erm, thing, drifted down between my face and the saucepan. I looked out behind my makeshift shield and staggered up onto my feet, and looked around to the sight of many white…things. I half walked half stumbled over to the disgruntled Elf who was pulling his no-longer airborne projectile out of a now featherless pillow whose contents were making the first ever indoor winter. A passionate yank from Legolas dislodged the arrow from the sad-looking cushion and casually put it back in his quiver. He brushed some feathers off his face and turned to me with an apologetic frown on his face.  
"I am so very sorry Jenai! I was afraid that monster back there was going to attack you!" he stated. _Translation: I'm sorry, but I can't help it if I'm a big chicken that's afraid of a microwave! _

"Ah, well, forgive and forget" I shrugged. _Translation: I know that you're a big chicken, Legolas._ I looked around. Just about everything was covered in feathers. Including him. I smiled and tilted my head.  
"You know, Legolas, those feathers do in fact bring out the real you." I motioned to the fluff covering his body from head to toe. "Ah, you got something, just there." I pointed to a feather sticking strait up on top of his head, that made him look even more like a chicken than an Elf. I grinned and sauntered over to the broom closet while Leggy looked on skeptically as I rummaged through it, deciding the regular vacuum cleaner wasn't exactly the best thing to use. Eru knows what would happen if he heard a sound like a million Uruk-hai in a mosh-pit! I for one did not want to share what Eru knew for a change.  
"Aha! Here it is!" I shouted triumphantly. "A broom!" I handed him a dustpan. He took it and stared at me with a look that said "You want me to clean this?" And, so, as if reading his mind, I said, "No, I want you to help me. Now, hold it like this so that I can sweep the feathers into it. There, good!" After cleaning up the mess the old fashioned way, I decided to educate him. After he unwillingly put down all his weapons. School is now in session!  
"This, Legolas, is the refrigerator. It extends the life of foods that spoil easily, like apples." I opened it up, freezer and all, and he watched in utmost interest. I opened the crisper and tossed an apple to him. He caught it gratefully, and to my horror, took a bite out of it…without running it under warm water…  
"Ahh!" a strangled yelp that sounded like someone was putting snow down his pants emitted from Leggy and he put his hands over his mouth, dropping the apple, his face twisted in pain. I winced. I had bitten into a cold apple before, more times than I like admitting. Let's put it this way: it's like brain freeze for the teeth. I hurried over to the sink and filled a paper cup with warm water and handed it to the now hysterical Legolas.  
"Now, put the water in your mouth and hold it there, got it?" I instructed. He nodded and removed his hands from his mouth and took the cup, doing what I told him. A small smile crossed his face as his teeth unfroze. I lead him to the bathroom sink.  
"Are you okay?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed with concern. He nodded with affirmation, so I informed him to spit out the water in the sink. That I think is the first time I had ever seen someone spit out water gracefully. Quite amusing, really. I shook my head and went out of the bathroom, and I was just about to go into the living area, when I heard a **CRASH **and OOFfrom upstairs. Leggings had obviously heard it too, because he was leaning out the door with his ears pricked. We looked at each other and nodded. He ran to where his bow and arrows were stowed and in a matter of seconds was reporting for duty. I could literally see him in army pants and a dog tag. I fumbled through the under-stair storage and found what I was looking for: an aluminum baseball bat. (I'm not a paranoid idiot; our roommate's kids have Little League. So there. Okay, maybe I am a little paranoid…BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!) Anyways, I had the bat, Leggy his arrows, and the burglar, well, I don't know what he had, but we were gonna kick some derriere! Yeah! We crept up the stairs bat and bow in hand, a little excited for each of us. His eyes were shining in the hopes of an Orc to kill, as for me, well, I didn't really want a dead guy or Orc in my room, so I whispered:  
"Don't shoot until we see who, or what it is, got it?" He saw eye-to-eye and agreed with my statement. My palms were sweaty and it was hard to hold the bat, so I wiped my hands on my denim skirt and took up my weapon once more. We tiptoed into the hallway and a little too soon, we were at my door. He furrowed his eyebrows and I was instantly curious what was going on.  
"What is it-"  
"Shh! I hear two people talking." Oh, great TWO burglars. Peachy.  
"What are they saying?"   
"They, no, one is saying-"  
"CREAK!" Oh, no. The floorboards.  
"Shh! They stopped talking!"  
"Well, then we might as well get this over with, shall we?"  
"Agreed."  
"Then on the count of three…One…" I got my bat ready. "Two…" I put my hand on the doorknob. "THREE!" I thrust open the door. I grinned wolfishly as I saw who it was.  
"I'll have you Longshanks if you touch him!" I yelled in a Sam-like tone, referring the 'him' as the other man. They stared at me for a moment, and then looked at each other with their mouths wide open. I couldn't hold it back any longer. I burst out laughing.  
"HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! That, that look on your faces! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Priceless!" I continued laughing by butt off as they stared at me in disbelief. Legolas rolled his eyes and found the magazine he had used much earlier on today and used the same technique as before. I was calming down a bit, but still going.  
"Does she always do this?" Boromir asked.  
"Not always, but she seems to be able to laugh with great ease." Leggy answered, still fanning me. I had at last stopped giggling and I stood up, couldn't have guests not welcomed, now could we?  
"Welcome friends! I am Jenai, and you will get to know me very well, and I you. I presume that Aragorn already have been acquainted with Legolas." At this, their faces took on a state of shock.  
"How do you know our names?" Aragorn asked in an almost angered tone. I fumbled for the right words, but being the intelligent person I am, thought of an answer in about 3 seconds. I straitened up and made my expression as mysterious and unreadable as possible.  
"The Trilogy shows many things: things that are, things that will be, and some things that have not yet come to pass." I quoted. Boromir and Aragorn were in awe, as for Legolas, being the Princeling that he is, was only amused. Boromir kneeled on a knee and bowed his head. A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, which I tried to hold back. This was too rich. I have the Boromir of Gondor at my beck and call. I am persuasive! Go me! My eyes wandered around the room, and met Aragorn's. This was the first time I had gotten a good look at either of them. I was so gone, and also amazed: they looked like them, but they were, somehow, younger... MUCH younger. I ripped my vision away from the handsome Ranger not wanting to seem rude and turned my attention back at Boromir, who, from the looks of it, was getting a leg cramp. I laughed inside and summoned him up to his feet. He appeared to be relieved and as I turned my back, I saw him rub his knee vigorously, as if he was trying to wake it up. Well, on with the processions!  
"Since neither of you two know the goings on of around here, I guess I'll have to teach both of you!" I ushered them out of my room and as I closed the door, I could have sworn I saw an apparition of what looked like a painting of part of a forest floating in mid-air, but as I turned to see, it was gone.

A/n: It was short, I know, but then again, I only got 3 stinking reviews! Come on guys, REVIEW!  
sigh Oh, yeah! Quiz Time and Didja Know! Huzzah!

Didja Know? Pippin wears a scarf! Woot!

Quiz Time! What does Gollum say the Ringwraiths are saying when they scream? (hint: O )

Okay guys! You know the drill! I want at LEAST 10 reviews before the next chapter, or there won't be one! Now, click on that nice little purpilish button down there and REVIEW!


End file.
